


Hide and Seek

by Findarato



Category: Messiah Project - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, M/M, character introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 06:18:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6842320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Findarato/pseuds/Findarato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>‘I like that you’re easy to find,’</i> Kaitou once told him. <i>‘That means I can always find you, whenever I want.’</i>

</p>
<p><i>‘Then how come when I find you, it’s like impossible?’</i>

</p>
<p>
  <i>‘Because no matter what, you’ll find me too. You always do, in the end.’</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hide and Seek

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Celtic_Knot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celtic_Knot/gifts).



> I’m not sure where this fic came from, beyond a passing thought of “I need to write something for Mamoru and Kaitou, but I need a theme” which turned itself into this…  
> And then I put it aside and forgot I had it. Stephanie and I wanted to do something for Haylee who is fabulous and had a pretty hard few months, so after throwing some ideas around I pulled this out again because I know Haylee loves Mamoru (and write an amazing one), so I finished it /o/

**.**

**_Hide and Seek_ **

_'_ _One, two, three…'_

A game of hide and seek starts out innocently enough. Him, Kaitou, and Haruto played it whenever they weren't glued to the computer or TV.

He likes being the seeker; Kaitou's good at hiding, so finding him is a fun challenge. Kaitou is the kid who's really good at staying quiet, wedging himself in between little spaces.

_'_ _Ready or not, here I come!'_

At they grew older, Kaitou got even better at it. He'd hide, wait for someone to come into the area he's in, wait until they leave, and then quietly get up and move to another place. From inside to outside; he was light on his feet and seemed to find the best hiding places. On time, he even fall asleep and Mamoru and Haruto had a moment of panic until they found him in the recycle bin, drooling in his sleep. Their parents were less than pleased; someone might've dropped glass bottles or something sharp.

So they adjusted the rules and continued playing. Haruto always tagged along with Kaitou, though he wasn't quite as good, and sometimes he gave Kaitou's place away, but even despite that, it was still fun.

It was a game.

_'_ _Found you.'_

Mamoru hides too, but he tends to mess up; accidentally leave a shoulder poking out, make his hiding spot too obvious, or he'd sneeze and had to admit defeat.

 _'_ _I like that you're easy to find,'_ Kaitou once told him. _'That means I can always find you, whenever I want.'_

_'_ _Then how come when I find you, it's like impossible?'_

Kaitou had giggled, in-between biting down on a cookie. _'Because no matter what, you'll find me too. You always do, in the end.'_

It didn't make much sense to him then; it was all just some childish fun. They played together, went to school together, and he thinks, they'd always be together. Their parents were friends, so they'd be friends too.

_'_ _Okay, then we'll find each other.'_

_'_ _Okay.'_ Kaitou linked their pinkies together, and then runs off after nudging Mamoru, shouting that he's not It and they're playing tag.

Those were some of the best days.

**.**

From elementary to middle-school, and from there to high-school. They used to be the same height, but suddenly, he's looking up at Kaitou, who was constantly had his clothes adjusted in order to fit his frame. Lanky, with thin fingers and cheekbones that made all the girls look at him—but he tended to slouch and he didn't seem to care about the attention. Mamoru gets the urge to sometimes poke him in the back.

They stopped playing hide and seek, only because of studies and because it was something only little kids did.

Literally, anyway.

Figuratively? It never stopped. Mamoru takes Kaitou for granted in his life, someone who'd always bee there. They ate together, went home together, studied together…the only thing they didn't do together were the club activities. He was in sports, Kaitou was in a computer club. But they always waited for each other and then biked home, or raced home. And once Haruto was in the same school, they continued in this fashion. Maybe it'd be more accurate to say they always sought each other out.

'Hey, Mamoru.'

'Yeah?'

'I'm not…clingy, am I?'

Haruto was at home, sick, so it was just the two of them that day when Kaitou asked him such a question.

He had looked at Kaitou. 'No, never. Why?'

'I dunno…' But the tone of his voice says that he knows.

'Did it have to do with last week when someone hit me in the head and I had a concussion?'

'Sort of.' Kaitou is fidgeting with the strap of his school bag. 'I thought about what it'd be like, not having you.'

Some strange sort of panic fills him; Mamoru forces out laughter as he pats Kaitou on the back. 'Hey, that won't happen. Remember, we promised each other. We'll always find each other. Even after school. Graduation, college, jobs…girlfriends—you'll be the first to know!'

Maybe he's the clingy one, because if Kaitou isn't there…where would he find his best friend? Who would he confide in?

Kaitou at looked him long and hard, before finally smiling. 'Yeah, you'll always have me. I'm good at hiding, but you're always better at seeking.'

Mamoru nods enthusiastically at this. They're in high school, and he has plans set on law enforcement. Kaitou will probably go into computer sciences; he knows he's been hacking in his free time and building his own computers. Everything was going well.

Half a year later, they're attending a funeral.

**.**

They threw out their swimming gear, and they didn't go on their high school trip.

He lost Kaitou.

But he got into the program he wanted to.

**.**

When Kaitou doesn't want to be found, it's almost impossible. It's not that he doesn't talk to Mamoru, but he's not there. He talks as if Haruto is still there, in the same room, and Mamoru once attempted to point out he wasn't.

That had been a mistake.

After that, whenever he visits, he makes an effort to be cheerful and smiling, nodding to what Kaitou says. What else can he do? A part of him wants Kaitou to go get evaluated or something, but they're both adults and he legally can't make Kaitou do anything he doesn't want too.

He passes the program and training with flying colours; he gets a job and the uniform is khaki and grey. Just before he starts it, he decides he will visit Kaitou, and tell him the truth.

He has to try.

When he shows up, Kaitou is in front of his computer like he usually is, bathed in blue light. Monitors set up, pens scattered. It's pretty clean—pretty sparse, even. It's a 3-room apartment, so different from the homes they grew up in. 'Hey,' he says, as he drops a bag of food next to Kaitou.

'Hey.' Kaitou clicks a button and turns around. 'I got your message.'

He sits down. 'Yeah.' Kaitou's slouching, like he usually ends up doing. When was the last time he left this place, for a reason other than food or supplies?

'Congratulations.'

'Thanks.'

When did their conversation become this stiff. It's unnatural and he fights the urge to look away, or to leave.

Kaitou rocks back and forth in his chair. 'It's funny; I'm breaking the law, and you're enforcing it. What if you arrest me someday?'

'I'm more like security. Special security?' Special forces? He's actually not allowed to say too much so he gives up by shrugging. 'I'm not going to be doing much arresting.'

'I'll steer clear of your job.'

'We might cross paths.'

'Mhm.'

More silence. Finally, Mamoru asks, 'How are you?'

'Doing okay. So is Haruto. He's getting a summer job, you know?'

'Nice.'

'We're thinking of ditching this place and getting a bigger one. He has such great ideas, I don't know what I do without him.'

Kaitou's voice sounds so far away, and Mamoru can't listen to anymore. So he waits for a break in Kaitou's words, and brings something up. 'Do you remember what we promised?'

'We made a lot of promises.' A window pops up on his computer and he swivels his chair back to deal with it.

'I mean the one where we said we'd always find each other.'

'I remember. What about it? You're here, I'm here.'

He should say it, he really should. Instead, he shrugs, and smiles. 'I'm just making sure. You've always been the best at hide and seek, and I never knew how you did. But I always found you, when you wanted to found.'

_When you don't want to be found, I can't do it._

Kaitou looks at him curiously, and it for a moment, his eyes are clear. And then it passes; he's laughing a little too glibly and loudly. 'Of course, Mamoru. Of course.'

Mamoru leaves the apartment and goes to a bar. He starts tomorrow, but he needs some liquid courage.

**.**

Kaitou disappears from the real world. He panics, but thanks to his job, and through Kaitou's own means, he finds out he's okay. But what distresses him more is that Kaitou is still lost in his head, still thinking Haruto is alive, even now.

What sort of friend was he, if he couldn't even get through to his closest, longest friend? They occasionally see each other on screens; Kaitou is thin, pale, and it's like he could slip through the screen and fade like mist. And Mamoru can't help. He can only talk, only hang on to what little of Kaitou he still has.

He doesn't tell anyone; this is between him and Kaitou. But he searches on the internet for psych evaluations, treatments, testimonies…if he's looking for hope, it's not there.

Was it wrong to hope in the first place? Was it wrong to promise something he can't even keep?

Once, he ended up out next to ocean. He tosses rocks. Trash. Insults. Screams at the waves and he even wades in until he's soaked and he can't tell if the salt he tastes is from sea or from his own tears.

_'_ _Are you satisfied? Are you happy what you did to Haruto and Kaitou? It's all your fault, and it's mine too.'_

That's not true, though.

The truth is that he's done all he could.

When things go to shit and he's accused of a murder he did do, and he's suddenly among terrorists, he wonders how it just came to this. He manages to get in touch with Kaitou, for conversation. Maybe their last one. He says whatever comes to mind, the words spilling out. Kaitou is confused, and probably more scared than he is.

But he finally, honestly, said all he could. Just before the transmission cute, he has one last hope:

_Kaitou, it's your turn to find me. Please._

_I'm right here, waiting._

**.**

Sakura's uniform is longer, but tighter and darker. He thought it was navy blue, but that's just the lighting; it's black and gold. And there's more restrictions than the Northern Alliance. He can't associate with people he used to know, much less make phone calls.

Kaitou is there, though—the real Kaitou—eyes clear, still slouching, but smiling, if not a little sadly. He put weight back on, and Mamoru has to admit—the coat looks really nice on him because of his height.

'I don't like the collar.'

'If you stop touching it, you'll get used to it.' Uniforms aren't meant to be comfy.

'But what if I don't want to get used to it?'

Mamoru gives him a light shove. 'You won't get out of it.'

Kaitou grumbles but finally stops fussing with it. He fidgets with his computer cast instead, looking as if he wants to open it. Mamoru recognises the look for what it is and he touches Kaitou's arm. 'We're meeting the others today.'

Others meaning fellow cadets as well as their senpai. The latter, he's heard about. He asked around and got a multitude of answers.

'I know. I wonder what they'll be like.'

'Probably nice.' Nice, haha. This is a place where they trained secret spies and learned to kill people.

'They're putting us together, right?'

'As Messiahs?' Likely. He's only talked to Kamikita-san a handful of times. 'I don't know,' he says, just to be on the safe side.

'I hope they do.' Kaitou's shoulder brushes against his. 'I don't need anyone else.'

 _There's where you'd be wrong._ But he keeps that to himself as they reach their destination and he pushes open the door.

Finding yourself is sometimes harder than finding someone else. Kaitou still isn't the person he remembers from before Haruto's death, but they're getting there.

**.**

They don't hold funerals for traitors. Not even a day off.

He decides he hates Sakura, for that one day. Traitor or no, people weren't just meant to be cast aside. None of them know the full story, but seeing Ariga's face was enough.

What if, one day, he decides he can't stand this place and wants to leave, and sabotages everything? Would he be a traitor, too? He knows Kaitou is thinking the same thing, and Kaitou could really do it; he hacks better than anyone else they have right now, and to disappears so easy if they left the country.

But Kaitou is squeezing his hand, and he realises he's a mess. They're both a mess. What the hell. How did they not see it?

'I liked him.' The word "like" is so unclear, but right now the ambiguity fits. 'I wish I didn't yell at him when they had us working together.'

Ah. 'I wish I talked to him more.'

They sit side by side on the bed, in this windowless room, walls undecorated except for the old-fashioned wallpaper. People pass by, talking in hushed voices. It has never felt more like a prison in Sakura, than it did today.

'Do you think—' Kaitou sighs, voice dropping even lower. 'He's in a better place?'

It's also about Haruto, isn't it. Kaitou hasn't looked the hologram of his brother for a long time, and he's stopped bringing him up. He hasn't forgotten, but he's learned how to deal.

And they will have to deal with it again, over and over. There's a sudden weight on him, but it's not one on his heart—it's Kaitou, leaning hard on him and putting his arms around him. Kaitou isn't overly affectionate, but he's hugged Mamoru before. It just feels different this time.

'Kaitou?'

'It won't happen to us.'

He hugs Kaitou back, and remembers when they were the same height. Though right now, Kaitou's made himself smaller. 'Unless you were secretly plotting something all this time that I didn't figure out, no. You're not exactly great at keeping secrets.'

'Neither are you.'

They aren't; if they have secrets to keep, it would show and they would be miserable. This is part of the reason why they have so little secrets between them.

'I want to do a little something. For him. I don't care if they find out, because it's not official anyway.'

'Sending him off?'

'Yeah. The next time we're stuck outside and we don't have to immediately come back here.' Kaitou hesitates. 'It's…sad. Him and Ariga couldn't find each other. They were looking for different things.'

Mamoru is struck by weariness, but…gratefulness as well. That him and Kaitou worked out.

'I always make you worry, don't I.'

'I'm looking out for you. And I know you do the same for me.'

'I made it difficult, though.'

'You're too good at hide and seek, Kaitou. You've always been.'

'But you found me.'

'Yeah, I did. And you came looking for me when I needed you, too.'

Kaitou searches his face, and then he sits up, and slowly leans in. It's not a guess as to what he's going to do, and Mamoru lets it happen. Chapped lips, but no taste of blood. He kisses softly back, and reaches up a hand to brush Kaitou's bangs away from his face.

'I'm glad we made that promise.'

'Same.' It's endured, just like them. 'You know what you also did? You found yourself, without me. It's okay to need me, because I need you, too, but you're capable, too.'

Kaitou puffs out air as he smiles. 'I had help.'

Tragedy and success. It's written in everyone's stories. It's pat of life, and sometimes, he wonders why both have to coexist. Someone dies, someone else lives.

'I'll tell Ariga. What I was thinking.' Kaitou is already making plans, and for the first time, things aren't as painful.

'We'll make it work out.' Without Sakura's approval, but it's not like they're rebelling. They're doing it out of respect for a lost one.

He kisses Kaitou again, and as they pull each other down, he realises their games of hide and seek are over.

They already knew the outcome.

**_.end._ **


End file.
